


Death and Duty

by Drakontion



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-03
Updated: 2010-10-02
Packaged: 2017-10-17 05:38:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/173474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drakontion/pseuds/Drakontion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is some two decades after the Archdemon was defeated at Denerim. What happens when the King of Ferelden is Called to the Deep Roads. NSFW for various smutty situations and name calling</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Callings

It was only after the dreams had woken me, screaming, for the third night straight this week, that Elissa ventured to say something.

And by "dreams", I mean heart-stoppingly, sweat-burstingly, scream inducingly terrifying nightmares. I may have mentioned the screams though.

"Ali," Elissa murmured, wrapping me in her arms as I shuddered with the residue of the nightmare. "Shhhhhh..." She made wordless noises of comfort as she stroked my back. I didn't even realise I was crying until she drew back and wiped my face with her small, warm hand. I grabbed it and kissed it, tasting my tears on her skin.

"They're getting worse, aren't they?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice just yet. She sighed, and held me tighter, her fingers digging into the muscles of my back.

"I'm sorry," I began, but she tossed her head, flicking hair into my face, and cut me off.

"Don't be silly, Alistair. It's not like it's your fault."

I loudly spat out strands of her hair and smiled as she made a tiny noise of disgust. Always the lady, my Elissa, despite all we'd been through. I blamed her upbringing, personally.

I snuggled more into her and laid my head on her chest, listening to her heart beating under my ear. She shifted a hand to my head and started playing with my hair. I murmured approval as she lightly scratched my scalp.

"I can hear them, you know," she said quietly. "When you're dreaming. I hear them calling to you. I can _feel_ them calling you. And I can feel you, as well. Holding yourself back. But I know you want to go…"

"Not as much as I want to stay with you," I replied. She tightened her arms about me, temporarily stopping playing with my hair. I pouted, the effect entirely wasted since I was facing into her chest. It was a good pout, too.

"Besides," I added, "the darkspawn have nothing on my lying in bed with my lovely wife. Even if there is screaming involved." I raised my head and looked at her, wiggling my eyebrows lasciviously. " _Especially_ if there's screaming involved."

Elissa snorted and pulled hard on my hair, stretching my neck back almost uncomfortably. She looked up at me, her face half hidden in shadows, pale skin glowing warmly by the light of the banked fire. I swallowed, and she raised an eyebrow.

"Don't… change… the subject," she said, punctuated with tiny but sharp jerks to my head.

"Ow!"

"Serves you right."

I pouted again, only this time in full view, and watched as she softened, smirking to myself. She could never resist my pout.

"Insufferable bastard," she muttered, pulling me back down and kissing me, lips warm and soft.

"Stuck-up bitch," I breathed, and shifted in closer, trailing my lips along her cheek to her earlobe. Her breath caught as I gently nipped, and her fingers flexed, cat-like, as I sucked her lobe into my mouth.

"You're changing the subject," she whispered, throatily.

"Mmmm," I agreed, and flicked my tongue into her ear, smiling as she tensed. One hand slid down the back of my neck, holding me in place, while the other traced its way slowly down my spine.

"Mmmm," I said again, as she started to play with the drawstring of my sleep pants. I moved a hand up, cupping her breast through her thin shift, the pad of my thumb brushing ever so softly over her nipple, which hardened in response.

She made a soft noise at the back of her throat and arched her back slightly, pressing into me, lifting one thigh to rub against mine until I obligingly shifted my legs for her.

I breathed into her ear as her thigh pressed up against me, delicious sensations traveling from the base of my cock into my belly. She smiled and rubbed herself against me and I knew she could feel me hardening and lengthening along her thigh.

I bit on her lobe, harder, and she hissed. "Minx," I growled, as her questing fingers at my waistband changed to nails, scratching up my back. In retaliation I pinched her nipple, pulling it until her eyes closed and a whimper escaped her lips. Then I nudged aside her thigh and rolled on top of her, trapping her hands as she grasped at me, grinding my hips into hers.

My Elissa was never one who was content to lie back and take what was given, however, so she arched her back, stretching up towards me. I gasped as her erect nipples brushed against my bare chest, and she grinned in response. She looked adorable, and sexy, and all of a sudden I tightened with need for her. I swooped down and kissed her, our lips locking, my tongue flicking out and meeting hers and delving inside her warm, wet mouth.

She twisted her hips and enfolded me in her legs, locking me against her. I could feel her heat as she blatantly rubbed herself against me and I wanted to lose myself within it… to let her body stifle the pulsing of the Calling inside me, to drown myself in her flesh so I wouldn't have to feel that awful tug.

Her clever hands had pulled my sleep pants down. I could feel the chill night air drifting over my exposed backside as I kicked them the rest of the way off. I pulled back and knelt between her legs. Running my hands up the inside of her thighs, I smiled as her eyes half closed and her lips parted. I slid my hands up her abdomen, still taut and firm, and lifted her shift up over her breasts. She pulled it the rest of the way off, shuddering as I caressed the undersides of her breasts. I leant forward, the head of my cock lightly brushing over the curls covering her sex, and flicked my tongue over a nipple.

I've always loved Elissa's responsiveness. She arched her back and moaned "Oh yes," as I suckled her, her hips unconsciously striving towards me as her hands ran up my back. I slid my other hand over her hips, skimming her belly before resting my palm on her sex and grinding it against her. She writhed underneath me, eyes closed and mouth open, panting.

I slowly slipped a finger into her soft, hot folds and moaned at her wetness. I had to taste her again, so I captured her mouth with my own. Her lips were warm but her tongue was cool when it met mine. She kissed me desperately as my questing finger found her nub and brushed over it before settling into a soft circular rhythm.

Her nails scratched down my back and she started thrusting against my hand, my finger pressing harder as her hips bucked. She broke away from my kiss and panted, "Alistair, please!"

I grinned and knelt back, removing my finger, which made her moan. I sucked her juices from me and watched as she watched me tasting her, her eyes glittering in the firelight. Then I lifted her legs and placed them on my shoulders, running my hands over the skin of her calves and kissing the insides of her knees. I leant forward and positioned myself against her, lightly rubbing myself against her folds. She moaned again as I started to press into her, my eyes closing as I slipped in, feeling her incredible heat and slickness, feeling my own loss of control at the sensations.

Much as I wanted to last, to make her writhe for hours underneath me, I just didn't have it in me tonight. The beat of my Calling drove me, its vicious twisting setting a hectic pace which I yearned to dissolve in the depths of my beloved's body. I drove myself into her as hard and deep as I could, withdrew, and buried myself again. Elissa, sweet girl, met my hips, bucking underneath me, fingers digging into my shoulders.

Frantic heat built, flesh slapping and harsh breathing and guttural moans, and I screwed my eyes shut as my back arched and I spent myself inside her, soon, too soon: almost exquisite relief as the thundering in my blood was drowned out by the release and I collapsed, shuddering, on top of her. Elissa shifted and wrapped her legs and arms around me, holding me tight, as I panted into the hollow of her neck. She stroked my back and I felt an overwhelming surge of something even deeper than love for her.

I pressed my lips to her neck and tasted her sweat. "Thank you," I whispered hoarsely.

She squeezed me tighter, but didn't say anything.

Eventually, though, we cooled and I shivered as the cold air licked my spine. Slowly and regretfully I slid out of and off my wife and reached for the blankets to cover us. I tucked myself into her side, holding her. I sighed. The Calling was muted but I was merely tired, not exhausted.

Elissa cleared her throat. "So. When shall we leave?"

I stiffened. "What do you mean, we? It's _my_ Calling, not yours."

"I'm not letting you go on your own, Alistair," she replied. I could hear the smile in her voice, sad, but distinct. "Not to the Deep Roads, not to die by yourself."

"But you hate the Deep Roads!" I protested.

She shrugged. "Yes, I know. I don't fancy going there to die. Never did. But Alistair," and she shifted and placed her hand on my face, turning me to look at her, "you're not going there to die without me."

I studied her face, her eyes catching the reflections of the firelight. Maker's breath. She was serious!

"Elissa…" I began, but she cut me off, placing a finger across my lips.

"No, Alistair. Hear me out." I kissed her finger and nodded.

She sighed. "If you are having your Calling, then mine can't be far behind. It makes no sense to deprive Ferelden of her King, leaving her Queen behind to rule, only to have her Queen do the same thing herself, at some point thereafter. We _know_ this is going to happen and it will be easier if we make it clean and precise, rather than dragging it out. I can't even begin to imagine the repercussions if we have two separate abdications as opposed to one clean break. Besides, this way we get to choose our successors and have them installed and working before we go."

I grimaced. She had a point. Damn Cousland logic.

"Quite aside from which," Elissa added, smiling a little, "someone needs to look after you. You're absolutely hopeless at organising so much as a picnic, let alone an expedition to the Deep Roads when you know you won't be returning. You'd get lost after the first day and end up in Par Vollen wondering why the Qunari were looking at you funny."

I snorted. "Woman, you come dangerously close to treason for besmirching your king. I should have you beheaded. Spanked, at the very least."

Elissa laughed, a clear, untroubled sound. It lifted my spirits to hear it. She squeezed me and I held her tight. Then she continued, her voice low. "The most important reason, though, is because you're my husband. And I love you. And I made you a promise, all those years ago, and I'm not going to go back on it now."

She paused, clearly considering her words. "Do you remember, when we were on the road, and Wynne had issues with us… being together?"

I nodded.

"I had a… chat… with her at one point. I was quite ready to tell her off for being an interfering old biddy."

I smiled. I could quite imagine that. Elissa, when roused, was most fiery.

"Well, she took it back. She said we seemed to be handling it. But she warned…" She closed her eyes. "She warned that death or duty may part us. Duty… has never parted us. I've never let it. I'll be damned to the Black City itself if I let death part us, either."

She looked at me, quite seriously, her face carefully controlled but her eyes shining in the firelight, shining too brightly. As I watched, tears welled and trickled down her cheek into the pillow, leaving a trail that faintly glowed in the reflection from the fire. "Together, always, we promised. Do you remember?" she said huskily. "Always, Alistair." Her voice rose, anguished. "Always!"

I blinked and felt the damning prickle of tears in my own eyes. "Oh, Lissa," I whispered, and crushed her to my chest. I felt her sob, once, shoulders jerking beneath my arms, and then we were crying together.

Some uncounted time later, our eyes were red and sore but dry. Elissa had the hiccups, which amused me no end. I got up and poured us a tumbler of watered wine, taking a sip and bringing it back to the bed and holding it to her lips. She drank obediently. A rogue hiccup made her teeth click against the metal rim of the tumbler and I snickered. She rolled her eyes at me and took the tumbler, finishing the rest of the wine and putting the cup down on a night stand. She sighed and pressed her fingertips to her eyes. I knew exactly how she felt: my own were hot and sandy feeling.

I took her hands in mine and leant in and kissed her closed eyelids, left and then right, and knelt in front of her. Clasping her hands to my chest I looked up at her face, clearly illumined, firelight and shadows hiding the advances of the years. She looked down at me and I wondered what she saw; her face was so blank, so unemotional.

I sighed. "Very well. If we're going to do this thing, we're going to do it right."

A swift look of relief passed over her face followed by a settling of sadness. She nodded once, shortly. "We can plan it in the morning, then. Which it will be soon. Do you think you can sleep, love?"

I shrugged. "I can try."

She leaned forward and kissed me, her lips dry. She rested her forehead against mine, our breaths intermingling for long moments.

"I love you Ali."

"And I love you, Lissa. Always."


	2. Announcings

Somewhat to my surprise, I did actually sleep after that, and my dreams were no more than the familiar, vaguely comfortable background murmuring of darkspawn that I'd lived with for so long. By the time the chill morning light had started to filter past the heavy curtains covering the windows, I was awake and already having second, third, fourth and possibly fifth thoughts about what I'd agreed to.

I lay stroking Elissa's hair until she stirred and woke, winding burnished strands around my fingers and gently smoothing out the night's tangles. She sighed, blinking, and turned to lie on her back, looking up at the ceiling.

"Second thoughts?" she asked.

I shrugged. "You know me."

"You know it's the right thing. There's no other choice. I won't let you go alone."

"I know. I just... I just don't like the idea of you dying."

She closed her eyes. "And you think I do?"

"Well no, but..."

"It's how it's going to be. Don't argue with me, Alistair. I don't want to argue with you." She sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. I admired her back, porcelain pale and blemished with scars and freckling, as she stretched and got up. She turned around and caught me ogling her and her set face relented somewhat.

"Come on, love. Breakfast will be here soon."

She held out her hand and I took it and kissed it, and then she pulled me up out of our bed.

Breakfast was a tradition between us. After we were married we found, to our dismay, that the whirl and pressure of kingly (and queenly) duties contrived to keep us separated for the entire day. Sometimes we would only know that we were married because we woke up in the same bed together. Given that we had just spent over a year campaigning together, both of us found this unacceptable, and we devised this little morning ritual.

Every morning, without fail, our breakfast would arrive shortly after sunrise, and we had a half hour of uninterrupted time before the duties of the day began. Some days it was the only meal we had together. We never missed it.

After breakfast, Elissa's chief maid would arrive to bundle her into whatever gown she'd chosen for the day and go over her list of duties, while my man would do the same for me; and then we'd be off.

Today breakfast had about the same flavour and enjoyability as ashes. From the look on Elissa's face, it wasn't much better for her either.

Setting aside a piece of buttered toast (some days I still marvelled that I could have butter on my toast. Every day!) I got up, moved the breakfast table aside, and knelt before her. Looking up at her strained face and worried eyes, I took her hands in my own and folded them over my heart. Such tiny, capable hands, covered by mine. She raised an eyebrow at me, a familiar gesture that I had always loved.

"Don't worry, love. We'll go together. I won't object. We just have to convince the Council of it and sort everything out before we go..." I trailed off.

She smiled. "We will. I have every faith that you'll manage to sway them to your will. You sway me daily, after all. The Council is trivial compared to me." And she winked.

I felt a foolish grin spreading across my face. "I love you, Lissa," I said huskily.

"And I love you."

I pulled her down and pressed my lips to hers, and of course at that moment the servants chose to arrive, in time to see their King on his knees before their Queen. No doubt castle gossip would have that we'd fought and I was making up because it was my fault. It was always my fault, because Elissa was always right. She was a Cousland, after all.

I cleared my throat, sure I was blushing, and hastily got to my feet. Elissa made a tiny stifled sound of amusement and got up to start her day. No doubt she would be adding to that gossip herself shortly. She claimed it was advantageous to spread rumours that she carefully controlled, so she knew who was gossiping with whom, where the rumours spread to and how fast, who was opposed to what and on what grounds. My favourite was the one about my purchasing and training a kennel of Mabari to outfit with tiny chariots. She'd even detailed the craftsmen required to make them. She never mentioned where she got the idea for that one, just that she'd picked it up from a drunk somewhere. I suspected she'd been loitering in the shadows and had overheard it. Sometimes her assassin abilities scared me.

Elissa's chief maid, Lynde, was a strict and capable woman from an old serving family in Highever, who had somehow escaped Howe's purge with her family and had travelled to Denerim after we'd been married. She organised Elissa's day, her clothing and appointments, her meals and patronage. She even had knowledge of weapons and armour, which was a blessing since Elissa never really gave up the mantle of Warden Commander. She was happily married to Jorge, a Lothering refugee, and together they had managed us for the better part of twenty years.

Jorge arrived close on Lynde's heels with my clothing and schedule for the day, and I sighed.

Today's schedule included a morning meeting of the Council. Well, at least I didn't have to stew over what I was going to say for too long.

As I was dressed, I started thinking about how I was going to broach the topic of our leaving.

 _"I've had my Calling and I'm going to die soon so we're just going to jaunt off to the Deep Roads to get it over with, okay?"_ Hmm, no. Too informal.

 _"As you should all be aware, my wife and I are Grey Wardens. There comes a time in every Warden's life when he feels what is known as the Calling..."_ I winced. Maker. No.

 _"Well, it's been a good two decades, but all good things must come to an end."_ Hah. This could be more trouble than I thought.

Elissa emerged from behind a screen, fully dressed and looking calm and confident. I wondered how she could do it. She walked over to me and assisted Jorge in getting me dressed. Her hands lingered as she smoothed fabric over my shoulders and I looked at her, but her face was serene.

I mentioned these ideas to her and she looked appalled, then hastily recovered and sat me down, patting me on the knee, as if to say 'don't worry, I'll think of something.' I felt a bit affronted. I knew king-craft wasn't my strongest point, the whole of Ferelden knew that on any given day I'd rather be down at the tavern than presiding over a court, but Maker be damned if I wasn't trying, and, I hoped, succeeding.

Something of this must have shown on my face. Elissa sat up straight and patted me on the knee again.

"I'm sorry, love. That was a bit rude of me, I guess." She handed me a cup of tea and took one for herself, looking at me over the rim. "I think we should probably discuss what we're going to do and say. I don't think blurting it out at Council is a good idea."

She gestured, and Jorge and Lynde made themselves scarce on the other side of the room, tidying various things.

I felt the skin on my face and neck heat. "Of course," I managed heartily.

Elissa shot a glance at me, eyebrow quirking. Maybe "hearty" was too much of a stretch, given the circumstances.

I shrugged at her, and she smiled, her eyes lighting up, and I felt my stomach clench.

Then she patted my knee again.

I looked down at my knee, curious at to whether anything had changed about it overnight that I wasn't aware of. It still looked the same to me. I flexed it experimentally. Still felt the same.

I gave up. I would never understand women.

I looked up to find her eyes on me still, and offered a smile, which she returned. Maybe I didn't understand women in general, but I did know a bit about _this_ one.

Maybe.

"What do you suggest we do?" I asked.

Elissa sighed. "Much as I'd prefer it, we can't just run off in the middle of the night. I had thought about staging an assassination –" I inhaled my tea and started choking and wheezing "– but that wouldn't be practicable at all. We'd end up at war with the Orlesians in under a week if we did that."

My lungs were burning and tears were running down my face as I coughed and spluttered. "No… assassinations…" I gasped, and Elissa looked at me reprovingly.

"Of course not, that wouldn't work. I just _said_ that, Alistair."

I rolled my eyes.

"I think," Elissa continued slowly as I brought my lungs back under control, "that we'll have to discuss this with some of the nobility, _not_ the entire Council. And we'll have to distract the Council in the meantime."

She tapped her lip thoughtfully. "Teagan, I think. And Fergus of course. Those two to start with."

I nodded. They were logical choices. Both Teagan and Fergus were well respected nobles, influential and connected, as well as being our personal friends and family.

Fergus and Elissa were incredibly close, and he'd shared most of our highs and lows since the coronation. He'd rebuilt Highever practically from nothing and it was now a thriving centre. Fergus had established a trade route to the Free Marches and had married the daughter of a duke, a sweet but practical girl who had, over the years, worked side by side with him and presented him with several fine sons. They all visited Denerim regularly. Their eldest son Bryce currently had a position as a page at court.

After Isolde's sacrifice to save Connor, Eamon had never really been the same. When Connor was taken to the Circle for training, he'd become a virtual recluse, neglecting Redcliffe and his duties as well as himself. He'd forget to eat, forget to sleep, and started drinking heavily. One chill autumn night he was found wandering the ramparts of Redcliffe Castle during a thunderstorm. He succumbed to a wasting disease not long afterwards.

Teagan had watched his brother's decline and that of his lands in dismay, and had often stepped in to help, discretely and without fuss. He was the only one surprised when he was acclaimed as Bann at the next Landsmeet. He married Kaitlyn, the young girl from Redcliffe Village whose brother we'd rescued, and they lived together happily until she died in childbirth. Now he and his daughter spent most of their time at Redcliffe or Rainsfere, only coming to Denerim rarely.

All these changes – people we'd known all our lives getting older. Sometimes it made me feel ancient and weary beyond belief. And then I remembered that that wouldn't ever happen for me. I sighed.

"Any ideas on a distraction, love?"

Elissa smiled somewhat grimly. "Leave that to me."

I stood up. It was time and past time to get going for the day. Elissa signalled again, and Lynde and Jorge came back.

As Jorge walked away with the breakfast dishes she looked around shiftily, then pinched me on the bottom and smiled. "Don't worry, love. We'll handle the Council."

I smiled back. "Of course you will."

She laughed, and left with Lynde to her duty.

oOo

At mid morning the Council was convened in the Great Hall. One of the better ideas I'd had, the Council was a fractious but generally united group of representatives from as many concerned and influential groups as possible. Guild Masters sat beside Dalish Keepers, who rubbed shoulders with Senior Enchanters, while dwarven merchants looked on. Nobles argued with town Mayors and farmers conversed with warriors. It was boisterous, loud, and occasionally violent; but it represented Ferelden and _all_ her people, not just the nobles. Which was a distinct improvement, I thought.

Today most Council members appeared to be in attendance: the Great Hall was nearly full. Maybe one of Elissa's rumours had filtered through and intrigued people enough to attend – usually we had a maximum of three quarters membership. On a good day. I shrugged. All the better for getting things started, I supposed.

The Council stood as I entered and I waved to them as I took my seat. Elissa was already there. I touched her hand surreptitiously as I sat.

The herald called order as I sat, and the Council began. Normally we had a multitude of items to discuss, trivial or not so; but today everyone was remarkably quiet. If they did have to discuss something, it was brief. So we got through the normal topics – trade, weather conditions and crops, the state of the country – in no time at all, unfortunately.

All too soon, the discussions ended, debates and proposals finalised, and a sea of faces looked at us expectantly. I swallowed hard, feeling an awful churning in my stomach that had nothing to do with the taint. I touched Elissa's hand again for reassurance. She squeezed it back, took a deep breath, and stood up.

"My lords and ladies," she said in a clear, carrying voice. Her 'speech voice', I called it. "The king and I have something of an important nature to put to discussion. We require your input, for this is a decision that will affect the whole of Ferelden; and as representatives of Ferelden, it is your right to have some say into this."

I glanced around at the crowd as she was speaking. All faces were fixed upon Elissa with varying expressions – interest, expectancy, faint boredom here and there.

From the corner of my eye I could see Elissa's hand shaking ever so slightly. I shifted slightly in my seat and looked at her. In the late morning light she seemed bathed in gold, like one of the Maker's angels. Her face was white and resolute as she continued, hands gripping the folds of her skirts.

"The decision that has to be made is not an easy one. We fully expect that it will take some time for us to reach an agreement, and we ask that you do not share the details of this discussion until this agreement is made."

Elissa looked around at the Council, studying each face. I wondered what she saw in them. "The decision that we need to make is this: your King and I have no heir. Ferelden needs an heir. We need to choose one for her, one that will hold the country in their heart and do their best to keep her strong. We ask your help in choosing an heir." And with that she sat down, staring straight ahead.

The Council exploded like a qunari cannon. Almost everyone jumped to their feet, pushing their chairs over. Shouting echoed and reverberated through the Great Hall. Everyone was demanding answers, wanting to know what it meant. The herald was banging his staff on the stone flooring with no effect and getting redder and redder in the face. The noise was making my head hurt, but I knew how they felt. My heart felt like it was breaking – for Elissa to actually admit that we needed an heir was painful. True, but painful.

Elissa remained rooted to her chair; I suspected she was trying very hard not to cry. I sighed and stood up.

"Enough," I said, not quite yelling. No one seemed to notice. On my left side a group of merchants were gesticulating frantically as they yelled at each other; while on my right a lone Templar was arguing with the farmers' delegation. The elves and dwarves had banded into their own little groups while the mages had backed to the edges of the fray. Everything was starting to fall apart.

I cleared my throat. "ENOUGH!" I roared in my best battleground voice.

It was almost funny, the way everyone stopped mid-shout. Heads with open mouths swivelled towards me like so many hungry baby birds.

Suppressing a giggle, I looked sternly about the room, fixing individual gazes here and there. "Your behaviour does you little credit, sers and ladies. The queen and I have put a difficult proposition before you, and you squabble over it like a pack of ravenous Mabari. We expected more from you."

A few Council members looked slightly abashed. Not many, but a few.

"We ask that you consider this decision very carefully. And we remind you to not discuss this issue outside this chamber. We will reconvene again in one week to hear your proposals. You are dismissed."

The herald gratefully banged his staff on the floor again. I offered my arm to Elissa, who clung to it like a drowning woman, and together we left the Hall.


	3. Shatterings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - I suck with updating. I bring some smut in recompense. Please enjoy!

Elissa's arm in mine was like silk-clad crystal – cool, hard, beautiful, and as apt to shatter at the wrong word or movement.

I snuck a look at her face: it was closed, impassive. Her features were locked, white and strained. Her eyes stared blindly ahead and she moved without her usual grace. When she almost stumbled over the edge of a carpet I realised she wasn't with me – her body was walking by my side, but she'd locked herself away. I'd never seen her like this before.

I steered her through the corridors of the castle, waving away courtiers and servants alike, and prayed we wouldn't run into anyone whom protocol demanded we had to stop and speak to. All the while I kept holding her arm, patting her, saying nonsense words. Hoping she'd come out of it and respond.

But she didn't.

When I saw the heavy wooden doors leading to our suite I breathed a sigh of relief. I bundled her inside, shutting the doors behind us. Lynde was there, pottering away in Elissa's things. She jumped up as we entered, took one look at Elissa, and rushed to her side. Together we got her to sit in the armchair in front of the fire. Lynde loosened her stays and unbuttoned her high collar while I built up the fire. Elissa still hadn't said a word.

Lynde looked at me and I shrugged and gestured to the door. She left, casting anxious looks back, and the doors closed with a heavy note. I moved to the table, poured a goblet of wine and took a mouthful – it was rich and red and tingled on my tongue. The alcohol burnt pleasantly as I swallowed and the worry in my stomach started to settle.

I walked over to Elissa and offered her the cup. "Here love, have some wine. You need it." I may as well have been talking to a statue. She just kept looking at the fire. Her impassiveness was making the thready edges of panic creep their way up my spine.

I frowned and gulped down the rest of the wine, replacing the goblet on the table.

I knelt in front of Elissa and took her hand, looking up into her face.

"Elissa, come on. Come back to me." I patted her hand, rubbing it, trying to warm the crystalline chill that permeated it, but she didn't react.

"Elissa, please. Don't withdraw like this. Talk to me."

Still nothing. I bit my lip. I could feel tears starting to form.

"Please, love," I whispered. "I need you."

She blinked and her eyes slowly focused on me. "Need me?" Her voice was hoarse and tight. "How can you need me? I failed you."

I brought her hand up and kissed its back. "You haven't failed me."

"I have. I've failed you, failed Ferelden."

"No love. No you haven't."

She closed her eyes and turned her head away, walling herself off from me again. "I have. I've failed my first duty. To give you an heir. And I've just announced it to the Council who will go out and tell the whole of Denerim, who will go out and tell all of Ferelden. That your queen is barren. A failure."

I sighed. "Elissa, you're not a failure. Look at me. Please."

She opened her eyes but kept her face averted. "I am. I know I am. The Bannorn know I am. Even the lowest farmer's wife knows I am."

She took a deep breath and looked at me fully, eyes wide and shimmering. "It was my duty as a queen and as a woman to give you an heir. And I failed."

I took her face in my hands, holding her still and looking into her eyes. "Elissa. I'm only going to say this one more time. You have _not_ failed me." She opened her mouth but I placed my fingers across her lips. "No, listen to me. You are the Queen. You are the Hero of Ferelden. You are the Warden-Commander. You are a Cousland. You are my wife. You have not once, _once_ , failed in all these things." Her eyes flickered strangely but before she could say anything I pressed on. "You are strong, capable, brave, and smart. You inspire loyalty. You are a leader and a warrior." I moved in closer and my voice grew husky. "You are beautiful and charming. You are my lover and my friend. You are my wife. You do not need the issue of your womb to prove that you can do any of these things."

"But what about Eamon and…"

Silently I cursed the late lamented Arl of Redcliffe and his damnable insistence on tradition. "To the Black City with Eamon," I snarled. "If Eamon was so insistent on my having an heir then he should've had another one for himself to show the way."

She recoiled slightly at my vehemence, and then shook her head. "No, he was right. So was mother. It was my duty…"

I shook her slightly, her head lolling weakly on her neck as her teeth snapped together, cutting off her words. "Maker's breath! _Listen_ to me! You are Elissa Cousland! You do amazing things every day that do not require a womb! Stop thinking that that is what defines you!"

The shimmering in her eyes spilled over and splashed onto my fingers as she looked up at me. "But… the Bannorn…"

I ground my teeth in frustration. "By Andraste's everloving arse, Elissa, I don't _care_ what the Bannorn thinks! May I remind you that I'm half responsible for not having an heir? I don't see you calling _me_ a failure!"

She looked at me in shock, eyes wide and framed by lashes decorated with crystal droplets, and then her lips quirked slightly. "Well, not to your face anyway."

"What, you mean you call me a failure behind my back? Oh, now I'm hurt. You've wounded me." I pouted, for good measure, smirking up at her from my spot on the ground. She giggled faintly. I felt my spirits ease and smiled up at her. Even in tears she was breathtaking.

Softly I wiped her cheeks dry. My thumbs followed their path down her face and brushed over her lips. I felt her warm breath on them and looked back up. Elissa's eyes were wide, waiting, limpid pools. Still holding her face I ever so slowly moved in until our lips were just brushing. "Don't ever… _ever_ … say anything like that again, do you hear me?" She nodded, shakily and opened her lips to speak. I shook my head, my mouth brushing across hers as soft as gossamer, and she paused, lips parted slightly.

"Just don't scare me like that again," I murmured, and kissed her.

Her mouth tasted of tears – bitter and regretful. She was warm but hesitant, so I threaded my fingers through her hair and held her tight against me as I tasted her mouth. She made a muffled noise and then her arms were around me and she was kissing me back.

After a while I realised that she had her legs wrapped around me as well, her skirts hiked up to reveal impossibly white thighs. I tightened abruptly in approval, so I freed her face and slid my hands down to caress her. She shivered slightly as my hand brushed her smooth skin, and I could feel the muscles underneath playing as she flexed. My fingers skimmed lightly, teasingly up under her skirts, tracing swirls and curlicues across her skin, and she tensed. She broke off the kiss.

"Alistair," she whispered.

I took the opportunity to kiss down her neck, nibbling and sucking ever so slightly. She sighed and tilted her head back, and I flicked my tongue over the hollows of her neck and down to the unbuttoned neckline of her gown. I could smell the sweet, musky perfume she'd put on that morning drifting up from her décolletage. It made my mouth water.

I nudged her gown off first one shoulder and then the other with my nose, while my tongue trailed across her skin and my hands smoothed and teased under her skirts. With every sweep of my fingers I was brushing higher and higher. I could feel the warmth of her core just beyond my fingertips but I was in no hurry to reach it, yet.

Elissa was shifting restlessly underneath me and her chest was rising with every panting breath she took. I pulled my hands up and she murmured a protest, which quickly silenced when she realised I was unbuttoning the bodice of her gown all the way, parting the fabric and sliding it down her arms, displaying her breasts before me.

I traced one finger from her neck down to the swell of her breast, feather light and delicate, and she shuddered. Her nipples puckered and hardened in the cool air. I ducked my head down and kissed one, softly, swirled my tongue around it and drew it into my mouth. She breathed a quiet "oh" and her back arched.

Suckling, I wrapped one arm around her, holding her tight, while my other resumed its exploration of her thighs. Elissa threaded her fingers through my hair, pulling gently as my fingers teased higher and I brushed the edge of her smallclothes. She shivered as I cupped the swell of her womanhood, pressing gently. Her hips moved just slightly as I started rubbing and I could feel her moisture seeping through to my fingers.

Elissa's breathing was getting ragged but her slight panting was musical after her previous silence. I peered up at her: her head still resting on the back of the chair, her eyes closed and her lips soft and parted. I trailed my tongue across the hollow between her breasts and flicked at her other nipple, standing proud and forlorn in the cold, and she gasped. As I took it into my mouth my fingers ducked under her smalls and tangled through her soft curls. She moaned quietly and I smiled, caressing her lightly.

Her hips bucked again as I traced my fingers over her cleft, so to tease her I did it again, and again, and again; over and over until my fingertips were slippery with her wetness and she was whimpering at the touch. Her fingers clutched my head with a hint of increasing pressure. I took that as my cue and started sliding her smalls off. Obligingly she lifted her hips and I let her go to slip them down her thighs. She gave a small kick and they flew off to land on the floor, a tiny white pile of delicate crumpled fabric. Her eyes were wide and heavy as she looked down at me, making to get up, but I pressed her back down onto the chair, angling her hips forward and running my hands up the inside of her thighs. She sank back, her hair fanning around her shoulders, and shivered as I ran my cheek up the soft flesh of her inner thigh.

I held her eyes as my mouth met her, and she groaned as she felt my tongue melting against her, into her. She wrapped her legs around me, heels resting on the muscles of my back. Her fingers flexed and then I flicked her nub and she arched convulsively. Her eyes glittered, heavily lidded as she looked down the curve of her belly. I smiled against her and worked my tongue.

A long time ago, longer than I cared to remember at least, I'd had a very embarrassing conversation with Zevran around the fire while we were on watch one night. He'd decided to impart some of his wisdom to me. I swear to the Maker I'd spent the next several weeks turning a hideous shade of red every time Elissa walked past me, some of the things he'd said. The assassin was insufferable. However, the man was skilled, no doubt about it. "Women love a man who knows their letters," he'd said. "Alphabets," he'd continued at my look of incomprehension. I remember the way he rolled his eyes when I still didn't get it and he launched into a terribly graphic explanation complete with sound effects and tongue waggling exhibition. I'd stammered and fled to my tent and spent the rest of the night wondering that people really did _that_ … put their mouth _there_ … It seemed vaguely disgusting, but my body betrayed me with its thought on the idea. So the next night, on watch with Elissa, I'd coaxed her back to a nicely secluded mossy glen and set out to practice my alphabet on her, to her very loud delight.

The next day I could barely eat, let alone speak, from the way my jaw ached. But it was worth it.

I stifled a chuckle at the thought. The Ferelden alphabet was such a drab thing. Until you were writing it the way I was. If only the Templars could see me now.

Over the years I'd found that Elissa favoured the squiggly letters, so I practiced them now on that tiny, deliciously exquisite bundle of nerves. She was moaning growing louder, interspersed with short, breathy pants, and her hips had started to undulate. A series of S's, large and small, made her hold her breath and push her hips up to meet my face. I traced a looping circle of O's and her fingers taloned in my hair, holding me in a vice-like grip. But it was the M's that tipped her over the edge; and she yelped with her climax, then collapsed, limply shuddering.

I do good work.

I straightened myself and leaned up to her, kissing her. She kissed me back voraciously, mouth cool under mine. I stood up, slowly, lifting her as I went, until she was in my arms, still kissing me. She wrapped her arms around me and I carried her over to the bed, letting her settle on the mattress. She hiked her skirts up and scooted backwards, looking at me with a familiar glint in her eyes. I was achingly hard, desperate to be joined with her. I fumbled with the laces on my clothing, my fingers refusing to co-operate… when there was a knock at the door.

We froze; looking at each other like a couple of guilty initiates caught fooling around in the back of the Chantry.

"My lord King? My lady Queen?"

That was Lynde's voice. I groaned, and Elissa made a small sound of amusement. By the formality of Lynde's tone it was something important.

I cleared my throat. "Yes, Lynde?" I called out.

"It's the courier, my lord. He's come as the Queen requested."

"Oh!" Elissa said. "I'd forgotten about that. It's for the messages to Fergus and Teagan."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Please show him to the blue office, Lynde, and we will be there shortly."

"Yes, my lord."

Grumbling, I attempted to relace my trousers. Elissa started giggling in earnest, watching me trying to cover up the signs of my obvious desire for her. She had gotten off the bed, pulled her skirts down and started patting at her hair by the time I'd finally managed to wrangle myself back into place. I sat down at a desk and pulled out some parchment so I could write some messages while I waited for … things… to dissipate.

 _Fergus,_

 _A Situation has come up here in Denerim._

(I sniggered a bit to myself.)

 _Please hurry here and make all Haste. We require you urgently. Pay no attention to Rumours._

 _Alistair & Elissa._

I showed it to Elissa who pursed her lips but nodded. I quickly penned a duplicate to Teagan and laid them down to dry while I tidied myself up. Elissa came over with a damp cloth from the ewer and wiped it over my face. She looked at me tenderly and pressed a quick kiss to my forehead, before tossing the cloth back. Then she walked over to the door and opened it.

She looked back at me and I gathered up the notes, taking care not to smudge them. I strode over to her, and together we set off down the hall to meet the courier and set events in motion.


End file.
